There Oughta Be A Law

There are 3 kinds of laws in this country. There are good laws. There are bad laws. And then there are laws that leave you scratching your head and trying to figure out just what the hell the legislators in question were smoking and/or drinking that day.

The first set isn't any fun though, so I'm going to ignore those. And now, Allons-y. (By the way, I don't suppose somebody named Alonso is reading this, are you? Because that would  make my day.)



Alabama
*Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death - Damn it. I was hungry!
*It is illegal to operate a motor vehicle while blindfolded. - So much for the party game Guess The Pedestrian.
*In Anniston, it is illegal to wear blue jeans down Noble Street. - Incidentally, the law doesn't say anything about going naked down Noble Street.
*In Auburn, a man who has "deflowers" a virgin, regardless the age and marital status of the virgin in question, can face up to 5 years in jail.

Alaska
*You may carry a concealed slingshot only if you have a permit. - Because, apparently, drive by slingshootings are a real problem.
*In Juneau it is illegal to take your pet flamingo into a barber shop. - But it is apparently all right to take him to the bar and strip club.

Arizona
*If you commit a misdemeanor while wearing a red mask, it automatically becomes a felony. - Just remember. Accessorize. Always have your masks organized by crime.
*It is illegal to manufacture fake cocaine. - Real cocaine is just fine though.
*There is a legal limit of 2 dildos in a house. - Apparently 3 women having an orgasm in the same house is disturbing to the public peace.
*In Tombstone, it is illegal for anyone over 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible while smiling. - I swear, I'm not making this up!

Arkansas
*The Arkansas River is forbidden from rising higher than the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. - And how, exactly, do they plan on enforcing that? Do they make a pair of handcuffs that big?

Colorado

*In Denver, it is illegal to mistreat rats. - So I don't get to beat lawyers any more?
*In Logan County it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she's asleep. - Not to mention it's generally considered sort of creepy.

Connecticut
*In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday. - Apparently mistresses are still legal though.
*It is illegal, in New Britain, for a fire truck to exceed 25 MPH, even if on the way to a fire. - "So sorry your house burned down, Ma'am. We got pulled over."

Delaware
*In Rehoboth Beach it is illegal to change into or out of a swimsuit in a public restroom. - Just remember, ladies, always change into that swimsuit right out on the sidewalk.

Florida
*It is illegal to sing in a public place while wearing a swimsuit . - So remember, strip that bikini off if you feel the urge to sing on Main Street.
*Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. - Not to mention dangerous.
*It's illegal to kiss your wife's breasts. - Screw foreplay, apparently.
*If you want to swim in the ocean in Destin, you have to get dressed in your hotel room. - But what if you don't have a hotel room?
*If you sell oranges on a Miami Beach sidewalk, you face up to 30 days in jail. - But the street or grass should be just fine.
*In Sarasota you can't catch crabs. - Hmm...sounds like a good Spring Break destination.
*In Tampa a woman performing topless dancing cannot expose her breasts, and all lap dances must be performed at least 6 feet away. - I place this under "Things That Make You Go O_o"

Georgia
*All sex toys are banned. - Interesting note to this law, I remember it being covered a couple years ago on the news. Apparently there is a way around this law. You can have sex toys if you have a medical reason- and several Doctors will pretty much give "prescriptions" away.

*In Athens-Clarke County you must obtain a permit before holding a "Going Out Of Business Sale." - Because the fact that you're having to close your doors isn't humiliating enough.
*In Columbus, picnics are prohibited in graveyards. - Apparently creepy is illegal as well as being...creepy.
*Bars in Columbus cannot host a "Ladies Night" - So just call it "Drunk Sluts Night" and watch your business skyrocket from all the guys hoping to get lucky.

Illinois
*In Chicago, it is illegal to eat someplace that is on fire. - Funny. I thought it was common sense that said it was a bad thing?
*In Evanston, it is a violation of the law to change your clothes in your car with the curtains drawn except in the case of fire. - Two things. First: Since when do cars have curtains? Second: Just remember to leave the curtains open next time.
*In Galesburg, it is illegal to burn bird feathers. - You can still burn the bird, just have to strip it first.

Indiana
*The legal value of Pi is 3. - Mathematical proof that precision is less important than simplicity in Government.

Louisiana
*You face up to 10 years for stealing alligators. - But crocodiles are still fair game.

Maine
*You may not step out of a plane in flight. - Seriously, there are easier ways to commit suicide. And they're not illegal. Always remember to follow the law, people.

Massachusetts
*In Boston it is illegal to take a bath without a prescription.

Michigan
*It is legal for a burgler to file a lawsuit if he was injured in your house. - Just make sure you kill the bastard!

Mississippi
*If you have 2 illegitimate children, you're facing a month's jail time.
*It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is. - Gotta love legislated ignorance.

Missouri
*It is illegal, in Natchez, to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants. - Look out! Look out! Pink elephants on parade!
*In St. Louis, a milkman may not run while on duty. - I don't care if that rottweiler does have blood on his teeth and tells you he wants to tear off your leg! TAKE IT LIKE A MILKMAN, DAMNIT!!!!

Montana
*One may not pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. - Actually abusing an animal? Apparently that's a different story.

Nebraska
*It is illegal to go whale fishing. - Okay, I live right next door to Nebraska. In the middle of the country. We couldn't be more land-locked if we tried. How the hell do you fish for whales here?

Nevada
*In Elko everyone walking the street must wear a mask. - No, the Mexican Wrestling Association isn't touring. That's just Billy Bob from down the street.

New Hampshire
*It is illegal to sell the clothes you're wearing to pay off a gambling debt. - No, you save that for the important stuff. Like alimony.

New Jersey
*It is illegal to wear a bullet proof vest while committing a murder. - Now be a good, law abiding, homicidal maniac and leave that vest at home.

New York

*It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing body hugging clothing. - Oddly, and I'm not making this up, the law also says it's all right for a woman to go topless as long as it's not being used as a business.
*It is illegal to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. - What if you're just really pissed off?
*The penalty for jumping off a building is death. - Umm...duh? That's sort of like sending someone on a hunger strike to bed without supper.
*In Ocean City, it is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town. - But the law says nothing about women...

North Carolina
*If an unmarried man and woman register at a hotel/motel as married, then they are legally married. - Cheapest wedding in history.

Ohio
*In Oxford, it is illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. - *whew* For a second there, I thought it said "while standing in front of a man."

Oklahoma
*If you wear New York Jets clothing, while in Ada, you risk jail time. - And I thought the Husker-Sooner rivalry was intense.

*In Schulter, it is illegal for a woman to gamble in the nude, wearing lingerie, or wrapped in a towel. - Of course it is. Kind of hard to keep your mind on the game when you can't keep your eyes of the merchandise.

Oregon
*Drivers must yield to pedestrians on the sidewalk. - If you're risking hitting pedestrians on the sidewalk, then I think you have more problems than just this one little law.
*In Klamath River, it is illegal to walk down the sidewalk and knock a snake's head off with your cane. - But if you can do it, I want to see it! Because you're officially awesome.

Tennessee
*It is illegal to use a lasso to catch fish. - But, again, if you can I want to see it.

Texas
*If you're going to commit a crime, you are required to give your chosen victim 24 hours' notice, either verbally or in writing, and explain the exact nature of the crime you're going to commit.

Washington
*In Seattle, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length. - That's good. It was getting hard to conceal that battle axe anyway.

West Virginia
*You can't walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash, in Alderson. - But Fluffy needs her exercise.

Wisconsin

*It is illegal to shoot missiles at parade participants in Racine. - Damnit...and I just went out and got a launcher yesterday...